Running Out of Gas

This guy takes his van and brings it to the Louvre Museum, in Paris, and steals some paintings.

Now this guy has a serious skill. He easily gets past all the security and all that, but when he starts to drive away with the police in hot pursuit, he runs out of gas.

Of course he gets caught, and while then police are locking him up one of them says "You had the skill, you had it all going well for you, and you ran out of gas. What happened?"

The thief says "I didn't have the Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

Author unknown
 

“What are you doing?” says the other man. “Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with those?”

“I don’t have to run faster than the tiger,” he says. “I just have to run faster than you.”

Author unknown
 

President Bush and the Queen of England

At Heathrow Airport in England, a 300-foot red carpet was stretched out to Air Force One and President Bush strode to a warm but dignified handshake from Queen Elizabeth II. They rode in a silver 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London where they boarded an open 17th century coach hitched to six magnificent white horses. As they rode toward Buckingham Palace, each looking to their side and waving to the thousands of cheering Britons lining the streets, all was going well. This was indeed a glorious display of pageantry and dignity. Suddenly the scene was shattered when the right rear horse let rip the most horrendous, earth-shattering, eye-smarting blast of flatulence, and the coach immediately filled with noxious fumes.

Uncomfortable, but maintaining control, the two dignitaries did their best to ignore the whole incident, but then the Queen decided that was a ridiculous manner with which to handle a most embarrassing situation. She turned to Mr. Bush and explained, "Mr. President, please accept my regrets. I'm sure you understand that there are some things even a Queen cannot control."